Borderline personality disroder

Hi, im 18 years old and I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by a psychiatrist, and I feel like I'm misdiagnosed, mostly because because my doctor diagnosed me after my sexual assaults and the fact that I'm attracted to girls, I don't know what to do.
I've been on and off depression since I hit puberty, most likely cus my parents divorced right when I got my period. it's either I'm strongly depressed, or happy, or not feeling anything at all but emptiness and a big void. I have strong mood swings, and I pretty much don't enjoy anything at all, I use substances, smoking, drinking, anything to make me feel numb and unconscious but I'm not an addict, and I don't relay on it as a daily basis, I self harm time to time when all I need to feel is pain and the sting of the flesh, last time I got drunk i attempted suicide, cried a lot and kept saying that I mn in pain and I feel hurt, although I don't really know why I said that.
I don't feel comfortable with my parents at all, got sexually harassed by my step father and abused, I have big problems with my mother cus shes absent emotionally, I don't feel comfortable with dad because he doesn't stand up for me when I get harassed, so it kinda led me to feel not secure and unprotected with him, made me feel also as if he's gonna sexually assault me too.
I dont have troubles in making friends, it's easy, but I feel like a hyprocrite because i don't consider them as friends, just people to pass time with or a good use for entertainment.
I also have a big self loathing and it makes me distant, where I don't want to share anything about myself or about what I do.
I don't know what to do, medications don't help at all, and I've been off of it for a month now and it feels the same with them or without them. Any advice?